Did you have time to read my blog last week, and watch the video by Jonathan Miller? I have been thinking about it a lot, and about my decision to share my feelings and ideas more openly and deliberately. It still feels right, and so here is part two from “The Reluctant Atheist”, my blog within a blog for Sunday morning.
I no longer attend any church, haven’t for many years now, but Sunday morning still feels like a time set apart from the rest of the week… a time for taking stock of my life, reading about religion, history and philosophy, writing about my ideas, finding a way to file or save what I want to come back to later.
If you have been following my blog, you already know a little about my loss of faith, about my painful experience of confusion and alienation, about my disappointment and anger at religious hypocrisy and abuse of influence and power.
Coming out as an atheist was a huge decision, especially for a reluctant atheist who finally had to admit that the search was over. Defeat. Atheism is lonely. No more congregational friends and activities. No more beautiful music and ceremony. No more reassurance of blessings and answered prayers.
I could no longer convince myself that it was all just metaphor and myth, and yet say “I believe.” I could no longer recite the Apostles’ Creed without, quite literally, gagging on the words. How could all these fine, intelligent people all around me continue to do so, smiling? How could I be right, and everyone else wrong? Or vice versa.
It didn’t matter. I had come to a dead end, and it was time to explore life outside that comfortably smothering and smug cocoon.
So here I am on Sunday morning, reading online instead of going to church. Here is my first selection… part two of the excellent BBC series by Jonathan Miller on A Brief History of Disbelief.
Make a cup of coffee and join me!